i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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