I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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