I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
