I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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