her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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