I want to make a zoo with you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
