My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
