I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
