I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
