Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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