You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
