He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
