Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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