Apparently you make a good broom.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
