the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
