wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
