Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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