I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
