haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
