I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize