Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
