What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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