My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
