you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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