just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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