i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
