i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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