Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
