You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
