Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
