I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I currently don't understand fingers.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
