listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
