So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
