this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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