Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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