Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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