You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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