just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
