we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
