I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
