I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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