Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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