Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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