I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
