I CAN MOONWALK!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
