I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
