maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
