I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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