lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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