do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize