p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
