Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
