He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
