He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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