dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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