His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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