He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
