Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
