I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
