I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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