a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
