So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
