3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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