You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
