the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
