i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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