She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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