My Higher Power is John Stamos
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
