There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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