at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
