we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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