her vagine was all disorganized.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
