I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
